Divorce in Maryland – No Cohabitation During the Process

As readers of this blog know, we have some celebrity-loving folks here at the law firm who are always happy to keep us informed about the latest happenings in celebrity family law! A divorce that had been brewing prior to the holidays exploded on TMZ and Twitter when famous former football player Deion Sanders filed for divorce from his wife Pilar after 12 years of marriage, reality shows, and a handful of kids!

First, Pillar claimed she found out about the divorce filing via the celebrity news website TMZ.com. Then Deion’s daughter from another mother called out Pilar on Twitter accusing her of being a bad wife, step-mom and person. Now comes news that while the divorce is on the 20 yard line, Mr. and Mrs. Sanders have decided to continue living together in their ginormous Texas mansion. The mansion is so big that Deion rides a scooter to get around in it!

So while it may be cost-effective to continue to live under the same roof while working through the divorce process, in Maryland this type of living arrangement doesn’t work. No matter the state of the couple’s finances – and in this economy and housing market it isn’t surprising if it’s dismal – a divorcing couple cannot cohabitate. In order to meet the requirements for an absolute divorce, a couple must not live under the same roof for a period of one year uninterrupted. (The same is true about sexual relations.) If at any point during the one year separation the parties do spend the night together then the one year separation period starts again.

So Pilar and Deion Sanders may never even see each other in their reportedly 30,000 square foot mansion, but if they were in Maryland they would not be separated under the eyes of a family law judge. No cohabitation is a hard and fast rule in Maryland family law if a couple wants to divorce.

How Do I Prove Adultery to Get Out of this Marriage Now?

In Maryland’s marital law, a “final” divorce is called an Absolute Divorce. We’ve discussed the quirky Limited vs Absolute Divorce issue in other articles on this blog – click here and here. But one thing that is required in order to obtain either type of divorce is a one-year separation. Unless, it’s an Absolute Divorce and there has been adultery (and some other events we’ve discussed here, here, here and here).

So if you were married in Maryland and you want to get an Absolute Divorce without waiting for the one year separation period, here’s what you need to do to prove adultery:

The law recognizes that acts of adultery usually occur secretly; therefore, it does not require first-hand proof of the actual act of intercourse in order to establish the ground of adultery.  Absent such first-hand evidence, the law requires that only two elements be shown:  (1) disposition and (2) opportunity.  That is, the party need only show that the other party has the disposition, or personal character, that allows him or her to commit such an act, and that the party had the opportunity to commit the act.

So what do you do when both spouses have committed adultery? That’s called Recrimination:

Recrimination occurs when both parties commit adultery, and the question arises whether both are thereby prohibited from obtaining a divorce on the ground of adultery.  The law states that recrimination is not a bar to a claim for divorce based on adultery, but it will be a factor that the court will consider.

How about in situations where one spouse committed adultery but the other spouse showed forgiveness in order to keep the marriage together? That’s called Condonation:

Condonation occurs when one party learns that the other spouse has committed adultery but forgives the other spouse or continues to reside with the other spouse as husband or wife.  As with recrimination, condonation is not a bar to a claim for divorce based on adultery, but it will be a factor that the court will consider.  The court may conclude that, if the parties continued their marital relationship for a substantial period of time after disclosure of the adultery, then the adultery could not have been the real cause of the subsequent breakup of the relationship.

So adultery is grounds for an Absolute Divorce in Maryland, but it does take some effort to show that to the Courts. But if a couple is moving quickly to end the marriage, adultery can eliminate the need for the required one year separation. One side note about the quirky Maryland marital law – adultery is not a ground that is available for obtaining a Limited Divorce.

Voluntary Separation in Maryland

In many divorce cases, the couple agrees to separate as the first step to dissolve the marital union. In Maryland, the couple can choose to voluntarily separate or one party may not, but there are certain requirements they must meet in order to legally separate:

Maryland law defines separation as the condition in which two spouses refrain from BOTH (1) sleeping under the same roof, which generally means in the same building, AND (2) engaging in sexual intercourse. At any point in which two spouses sleep under the same roof even once, even if they sleep in separate rooms, or engage in sexual intercourse, the separation stops and starts over.

A legally sufficient separation is important because that is how a couple qualifies (barring other issues) for an Absolute Divorce. In Maryland, there’s a quirky marital law issue that distinguishes between an “Absolute Divorce” and a “Limited Divorce”. What’s the difference? Our family law attorney Patrick Crawford answers the question:

An Absolute Divorce is a real divorce.  It is what people think of when they think of divorce, and it is what people who want to get divorced want.  An Absolute Divorce is the real McCoy.  When two people are granted an Absolute Divorce, they are no longer married, all property issues and alimony issues have been addressed, child custody and child support issues have also been addressed, and the parties are free to marry other people.

A Limited Divorce, by contrast, is not a real divorce.  It is not what people think of as a divorce. And when parties receive a Limited Divorce, they are still married!!  That’s right.  People who receive a Limited Divorce remain married and cannot marry other people.

When a couple doesn’t mutually agree to separate with an intent to dissolve the marriage, there used to be a provision in Maryland’s marital law that required the separation to be ongoing and uninterrupted for TWO years before an Absolute Divorce could be granted. This requirement has now been obviated, and whether the separation was voluntary and mutual or one-sided and without intent to end the marriage, it doesn’t matter. The fact is when a couple has lived apart and abstained from sexual relations for one continuous year that is enough to satisfy the separation required for an Absolute Divorce. So we think we no longer need to call it a voluntary separation in Maryland because a separation is a separation in order to qualify for a divorce.

The 10-Year Rule in California Divorces – Vanessa Bryant Waited for It

As readers of this blog know, we have some very celebrity-interested folks in our law firm! No surprise given that just about every week there’s some family law related celebrity story to read about and cover. Perhaps it’s a bit like rubber-necking a car accident, but really, how could we not cover some of the salacious stuff that makes up a Hollywood-style divorce?

This week’s big divorce news comes from a Hollywood sports superstar and not an actor and it’s the NBA Lakers’ Kobe Bryant. Kobe burst on the scene when he was but a teenager, and has played basketball for the LA Lakers his entire career. He really is a Michael Jordan type of superstar and winning is his game. But, Kobe just lost in the game of marriage as his wife of a decade, Vanessa, filed for divorce this month.

There has never been any lack of interest in the Kobe and Vanessa Bryant marriage starting at its beginning when she was but a teenager herself! It seemed a bit scandalous at the time that Kobe, already a budding NBA star, would choose a 17 year old to date, and then married her at 19 but who can argue with young love? Then came the rape scandal in Colorado when Kobe was accused of attacking a hotel worker to which he claimed consensual albeit rough sex as his defense. The case never went to trial and Vanessa stood by her man while wearing a $4 million purple diamond “I’m sorry for cheating” ring she received from Kobe. So did marital bliss follow that transgression?

No is the quick answer. The couple did have two daughters, and Vanessa did regularly attend the Lakers’ games and watched them win championship after championship, but it seems that Kobe never fully gave up his penchants for having affairs. The gossip columns have linked him with everyone from Playboy Playmates to Kim Kardashian’s best friend. Who knows the real truth of the matter but what we do know is that as soon as the Bryant marriage hit the 10 year mark, Vanessa filed for divorce.

What’s so special about 10 years in California divorce law? It’s all about the alimony (spousal support). In California, a marriage that lasts 10 years or longer is considered long-term, and the non-monied spouse is entitled to spousal support for life or until remarriage. This is a very important fact for many (mostly women) spouses who relied on the monied spouse for financial support during the marriage to still have financial support after the divorce. In Kobe and Vanessa’s divorce, we’re talking about millions of dollars. But just imagine a more “normal” case where a long-term marriage ends and the non-monied spouse can rely on $1,500 a month of spousal support for as long as she/he “needs” it? That’s a very important economic consideration for most people, and that’s why some speculate that it’s just plain foolish to file for divorce before hitting the 10 year mark in California. Vanessa Bryant is clearly no fool!

Child Support in Maryland – It’s A Child’s Right

We recently covered a story about spousal support guidelines and states that are using them to replace what was traditionally deemed alimony. Similar to child support guidelines, they are based on a mathematical calculation of economic means with the monied spouse making financial contributions to the household of the non-monied spouse for a specific amount of time. In Maryland, if the court awards child custody to one parent, the court will almost certainly require that the other parent pay child support. The question is how much child support will the court award? It depends on the following:

The court calculates the child support amount using a formula called the Maryland Child Support Guidelines Formula.  This formula is somewhat complicated, but generally it requires only a few numbers.  First, it requires the income of each parent. Second, it requires the healthcare expense and daycare expense for the children, and it requires any extraordinary medical expenses for the children.  Based on these few numbers, the court uses the formula to arrive at a child support amount that the non-custodial parent will have to pay.

Child support is not intended to benefit the custodial parent. Instead, the family law courts view child support as a child’s right not the custodial parent’s. While it may seem that an ex-spouse is the one who mainly benefits from child support payments (especially in cases where the awards are many thousands of dollars per month), that really isn’t or shouldn’t be the case. This isn’t like alimony where the couple’s standard of living is at issue. This is about providing enough money for the child’s expenses. In a case in which the parties have a combined income that exceeds $15,000 per month, the court has the ability to consider the parties’ financial circumstances and decide on an appropriate child support amount.  But even in this case, the court will likely use the formula as a guide in reaching its decision.

Of course the parties are always free to agree to an amount GREATER than the court’s award, and that does happen, sometimes. But they cannot agree to a lesser amount no matter how unfair the paying party thinks the child support award is. Child support is often a contentious subject and regularly requires the assistance of legal counsel. An attorney can assist in establishing the income amounts, the expenses related to the children, and the few other factors that go into the formula. These amounts are often subjective and open to argument, and an attorney can assist to ensure that the figures are determined in a way that is favorable to you. But always remember it’s the child’s right to receive monetary support from its parents. That’s one thing you can never change.

Marriage Infidelity: Suing a mistress for alienation of affection

In English and other languages, there are many terms for a mistress: doxy, fancy woman, adulteress, courtesan, concubine, etc. While these terms almost exclusively are applied to females, there is certainly no lack of “male mistresses” in this world, but what label would we give to them? Mister doesn’t seem to fit the bill, and we think philanderer, cheater and cad are the ones most commonly used. Homewrecker could apply to both or either depending on the circumstances. No matter which term you use, in 7 U.S. states there are legal ways to deal with a spouse’s inamorata and one woman in a North Carolina courtroom last year did just that in a big way.

When Cynthia Shackelford discovered her husband, attorney Allan Shackelford, engaged in a long term extra-marital affair with Anne Lundquist, she decided to make an example of them. She sued Ms. Lundquist for alienation of affection. It’s a cause of action created a long time ago when women were still considered property of the husband, but it’s still on the books in some US states (not in Maryland, DC or Virginia). The basics of such a lawsuit are the following:

Alienation of affection(s) is a legal action, a tort based on willful and malicious interference with marriage relations by a third party. The elements constituting the cause of action are wrongful conduct of the defendant, plaintiff’s loss of affection or consortium of spouse, and a causal connection between the two.

In the Shackelford case the jury award $9 million to the scorned wife – $5 million in compensatory damages and $4 million in punitive damages. Ms. Lundquist has filed an appeal claiming among other things that she didn’t have proper notice of the trial and was unavailable to appear. Both she and Mr. Shackelford have publically stated that the Shackelford marriage was “over” long before they met and thus a causal connection between the cheating and the loss of affection cannot be established. Ms. Shackelford claims Ms. Lundquist “lured” her husband away from their marriage. As with most issues, the truth probably lies somewhere in between.

Lest you think this only happens to a female mistress in North Carolina, “in 2001, a jury awarded $1.4 million to a distraught husband in Mecklenburg County. On appeal, the court reversed the decision on $910,000 of the award but left about $500,000 for the husband.”

What do you think about alienation of affection lawsuits? Good laws and keep them on the books? Or, these laws are antiquated and no longer relevant to modern society?

Don’t Use Divorce As a Weapon and Other Tips for a Happier Marriage

Today’s blog is about a good friend who married a long time ago, and she likes to tell a story about the ground rules she and her husband established way back then. She said they mutually decided on a few basic principles for their marriage and to this day, she boasts, they have served her well. So, what are these gems of wisdom? We’ll try to do them justice in this summary:

1. Forego cutting and mean-spirited remarks: She really believes this is the core of her successful marriage. When two people live together (spouses, siblings, roommates) it can be easy to say awful and mean things to one another in the heat of anger. The problem is you can really hurt the other person with a cutting remark. Sure, no one can stop you from thinking the hurtful things but don’t express them out loud. (And truly, it’s better if you don’t even think them!)
2. Accept the annoying things because the good things are much better: This is probably one of the tougher ground rules to follow because sometimes in a marriage you just want the other person to learn how to pick up their wet towels off the bathroom floor and their failure to do so for years and years can get really annoying. Guess what? That person will likely never learn to pick up the towels so just accept it as an annoying thing that you cannot change and instead focus on one of the good things your spouse does do especially if he agrees to do the laundry. That should more than compensate for the wet towels!
3. Don’t use divorce as a weapon: It’s true that divorce is as much a psychological thing as it is a legal matter. Some couples are “divorced” in reality long before they are granted a legal divorce by the courts. It’s the severing of the tight personal bond a couple shares that starts them on the road to divorce attorneys and family law judges. If you allow the word divorce to be regularly thrown around during fights and disagreements then you are introducing it into the lexicon of your marriage. Don’t say it unless you mean it should be your motto!

So we don’t know if any of this information will help a couple struggling in a marriage. But, we do know that it makes perfect sense to adopt these ground rules because they certainly can’t hurt a relationship. Divorce is very painful (and sometimes very costly) so why not be proactive? Perhaps Kim Kardashian would still be married if she had adhered to at least one of these principles.

Is the US Ready for Another Divorced President?

One of the most unique things about the US political system is the rather lengthy primary season. When a person decides to run for president, the race starts nearly two years before the voters actually go to the polls. This election cycle it’s the Republicans only who are putting on the primary show and it’s interesting to see that the frontrunner today is a twice-divorced, three-times married man. Of course, we are talking about Newt!

A couple of months ago, the political talking heads couldn’t say (argue) enough about Rick Perry and Mitt Romney: which was the frontrunner, which was more electable, and which one actually had the stuff to win back the White House from the Nation’s first black president. Now those same pundits are focused on Newt Gingrich, and most have anointed him the frontrunner. But there’s one big problem for Mr. Gingrich in the arena of public opinion and that’s his marital status. It seems that maybe the American people are not yet ready for another divorced president.

President Reagan is thus far the only one to make it to the oval office having a divorce and second marriage under his belt. Since his marital woes took place in the 1940s long before the Internet and 24-hour news channels, there’s scant information about what went down during his 8 year marriage to actress Jane Wyman. In fact, when his autobiography, An American Life, was published in 1990, a Washington Post reporter wrote: “Why, for example, are Reagan’s eight-year marriage to Jane Wyman and their eventual divorce dismissed in a single paragraph containing precisely 48 carefully innocuous words?” We don’t know much about Mr. Regan’s divorce other than it came shortly after the death of the couple’s premature baby. There’s no salacious innuendo, no scandalous photos, and not too long after the divorce Mr. Regan married his “soul mate” Nancy Davis.

Now we have Mr. Gingrich and the terrible tales about his alleged callous disregard for his sick ex-wives. Some have said that he trades in his old wives for younger and healthier models. (Both of his ex-wives suffered from medical conditions – uterine cancer and MS – prior to the divorces.) Stories abound about his infamous hospital bed visit to wife number 1 when he reportedly asked for a divorce/delivered divorce papers as she was recovering from surgery. While at the same time, it’s alleged that he was already embroiled in an extra-marital affair with his soon to be 2^nd wife. She then fell ill with Multiple Sclerosis after which he divorced her for wife number 3. And, for lack of a better way of putting it, there are reports of numerous indiscretions during and in between said marriages. It’s a pretty tangled web of marital problems and infidelities. That seems to be the striking difference between Mr. Gingrich and Mr. Reagan – improprieties abound with the former and no whiff of scandal for the latter.

When you read the comments made by so many people on the hundreds of stories about Mr. Gingrich it seems that there’s a resonant theme. People say they question Mr. Gingrich’s character. The open-ended question seems to be that if Mr. Gingrich failed to be truthful and steadfast in his marriages, why would he act in any different manner with the American people? Maybe it’s true that America isn’t yet ready for a second divorced president. We’ll check back in a few months to see what’s happened with Iowa and New Hampshire.

Celebrity Family Law Tidbits on Thanksgiving

Since today is Thanksgiving, and so many of our friends and readers are out of town celebrating with family, we decided to shake things up around the law firm. So today we’re writing a different kind of blog post – it’s a quick hit summary of the latest family law related goings-on with some of our favorite celebrities.

• Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries are still on the road to splitsville. Their 72 day marriage didn’t even make it to Halloween (Ms. K filed for divorce on that day) let alone to Thanksgiving. Kim has been keeping herself out of the spotlight due to the unexpected negative public backlash, but the next season of one of her reality shows debuts in a week so we imagine we’ll see her out and about soon.  One celebrity gossip outlet reported that the soon-to-be-divorced newlywed had already ordered her Christmas cards featuring the happy couple on their wedding day. But Kim K tweeted this week that she and the entire Kardashian-Jenner clan were posing for their official Christmas card photo so there’s no worry that her ex will be in the picture. Sorry Kris Humphries – it just wasn’t your year!

• Justin Bieber – aka The Biebs – reportedly gave up his DNA for paternity testing last Friday and now the alleged baby momma is nowhere to be found. We reported that the Biebs’ legal team claimed they would aggressively pursue Mariah Yeater and her lawyers for abuse of process if DNA testing proved that Justin is not the father of Ms. Yeater’s baby. The Biebs’ lawyers said they wanted to make an example of accuser Mariah Yeater to discourage future fame-chasers from using the legal system to abuse celebrities. Now it seems that Ms. Yeater and her legal advisors are not stepping up to provide samples of the baby’s DNA. Stay tuned because this seems to be far from over! (Editor’s note: it’s being reported that Ms. Yeater is now asking for another DNA sample from Justin Bieber because no one from her team was present during the first collection to ensure it was in fact the Biebs’ DNA.)

• This last celebrity tidbit is for our parents’ generation. For those who grew up with the music of Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons and those who’ve discovered the music of that era with the uber-successful Jersey Boys musical on Broadway, there’s some family law gossip to read. After 27 years of marriage, Frankie Valli and his wife Randy have decided to divorce and their financials are now coming out in legal documents. Mrs. Valli currently receives $30,000 a month from her ex in a combination of spousal and child support. But that’s not her only income. She reportedly also receives Social Security income because she has minor children with Frankie and he’s a senior citizen. Don’t cry for Frankie though because he’s not scraping by on a Social Security check. His income is reported as $515,000 per month! Without question, his golden years are just that! Maybe both he and the ex could donate that extra social security cash to help others this holiday season.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Avoid Holiday Drama and Depression After Divorce

At this time of year it seems that we all should take a moment to think about the many things in our lives we have to be thankful for. Sometimes in a family law firm we meet people who claim they have nothing at all to be thankful for. While they may believe that to be true when they say it, the real truth is that we all have at least one thing we can put on our thankful list. How about the fact that we woke up today? That should be worthy of the list, don’t you think? Even if you don’t agree, there are certainly some things we can do this holiday season to avoid drama and depression.

1. Celebrate with your family – whether it’s an early celebration because your kids will be with your ex on the holiday or a later one for the same reason, pick a day to celebrate the holiday and invite all your loved ones. If you really think about it, who doesn’t want to have yet another fun celebration? The kids will love it!
2. Schedule your talking time – you and your ex must reach an agreement about your scheduled times to talk with the kids. Put it in writing so that you both have a copy you can tape to the refrigerator. If you haven’t already learned how to Skype, try to set that up so that you and the kids can see each other while you chat. Keep it light and happy because it is the holidays even though you may be physically apart.
3. Take a trip – if the kids will be with your ex, or if this is the first holiday you’ll be alone after a divorce, then it’s time to hit the road. Go and visit a family member or friend. Take a cruise with your BFF. Even plan some day trips not too far from home and bring a book with you to read while you have lunch in a café along the way. Find a way to travel on your budget and banish those holiday blues!
4. Get out of the house – this doesn’t mean a trip but it does mean get off the couch! It’s too easy to hole-up at home feeling sorry for yourself when the kids are with your ex over the holiday. Don’t fall into the woes-is-me trap! Go see a movie, go out to dinner with friends, go to a bookstore (if you can still find one!) and buy a bestselling thriller. Do anything, but do something because staying home watching It’s a Wonderful Life on cable will bring you down to the holiday dumps!

Now we could add a number 5 to the list but instead we’ll use this tip as our conclusion. If you’re feeling sad or lonely over the holidays always remind yourself that it’s just a few days and then you’ll be back to your normal routine. Holidays only do last a short time and before you know it they will be over, the kids will be home, and you’ll be back to business. Sure, you will have moments of sadness but those too will pass. Keep yourself busy and occupied, and more importantly live your life – that’s the best way to avoid drama and depression during the holidays!