The Shocked Spouse

A recent blog from a well-respected Virginia attorney was about how
stunned one can be when your spouse asks for a divorce. In virtually every
sentence he used the phrase “shocked spouse” and it resonates. Primarily because
it’s easy (albeit painful) to imagine sitting across from your partner and
feeling devastated as he/she says goodbye to the life you’ve both worked hard to
build. What was the point of the blog other than describing all too well the
thought process one might go through at that moment of no return? In a few words
– get a lawyer.

When your spouse/partner comes to you with the heartbreaking
news (or in some cases the most welcome news) that the marriage is over, it is
likely that there will be a separation agreement presented to you. The agreement
would have been drafted by that spouse’s attorney, who he/she had already
consulted prior to telling you the news, and will seem to make sense to you on
first read. There will be included in it a discussion of sharing the work and
expenses of the children, calculating and equitably distributing the marital
assets, and it will all seem like a neat and tidy way to dispose of your
relationship. Stop right there – while it may seem logical and fair on its face,
don’t be fooled.

One reason you need to seek counsel from your own advocate is
just that – you need your own advocate! Have you ever found it easy to get two
people to agree to anything without discussion and negotiation? When was the
last time it was easy to get two people to agree on a restaurant for dinner or a
movie to watch? It isn’t easy, and now imagine the subject is money (assets) and
work (children)? Again, get a lawyer.

Of course there are many other reasons to retain your own
counsel, and some are obvious such as the lawyer is experienced in the workings
and demands of the courts and legal system. But clearly, the more important
reason is to have someone else in your corner who believes you have an absolute
right to an equitable settlement. Yes, you may be the “shocked spouse” but that
doesn’t mean you lost your good sense, too.

What is a monetary award?

A monetary award is a tool that the court uses when dividing marital property in
a divorce case.

Often, when the court divides marital property, because some
property cannot be divided cleanly, one party ends up with a bigger
or more valuable pile of property than the court intended that party to receive,
and the other party receives a smaller or less valuable pile of property than
the court intended that party to receive.  In this situation, the court
can require the party with the larger share to give money to the party with the
smaller share in order to even things out.  This money is called a monetary
award, which the court enters in the form of a judgment in favor of one party
and against the other.

In addition to balancing out the division of marital property,
a monetary award  may be used to compensate one spouse for
inequities in the marital finances that are not attributable to property.
Examples include situations in which the court finds it appropriate to
compensate one spouse for the improper disposition, such as by sale, gift, or
destruction, of marital property by the other, or to compensate a spouse who
incurred non-marital debts for family purposes.