Child Support in Maryland – It’s A Child’s Right

We recently covered a story about spousal support guidelines and states that are using them to replace what was traditionally deemed alimony. Similar to child support guidelines, they are based on a mathematical calculation of economic means with the monied spouse making financial contributions to the household of the non-monied spouse for a specific amount of time. In Maryland, if the court awards child custody to one parent, the court will almost certainly require that the other parent pay child support. The question is how much child support will the court award? It depends on the following:

The court calculates the child support amount using a formula called the Maryland Child Support Guidelines Formula.  This formula is somewhat complicated, but generally it requires only a few numbers.  First, it requires the income of each parent. Second, it requires the healthcare expense and daycare expense for the children, and it requires any extraordinary medical expenses for the children.  Based on these few numbers, the court uses the formula to arrive at a child support amount that the non-custodial parent will have to pay.

Child support is not intended to benefit the custodial parent. Instead, the family law courts view child support as a child’s right not the custodial parent’s. While it may seem that an ex-spouse is the one who mainly benefits from child support payments (especially in cases where the awards are many thousands of dollars per month), that really isn’t or shouldn’t be the case. This isn’t like alimony where the couple’s standard of living is at issue. This is about providing enough money for the child’s expenses. In a case in which the parties have a combined income that exceeds $15,000 per month, the court has the ability to consider the parties’ financial circumstances and decide on an appropriate child support amount.  But even in this case, the court will likely use the formula as a guide in reaching its decision.

Of course the parties are always free to agree to an amount GREATER than the court’s award, and that does happen, sometimes. But they cannot agree to a lesser amount no matter how unfair the paying party thinks the child support award is. Child support is often a contentious subject and regularly requires the assistance of legal counsel. An attorney can assist in establishing the income amounts, the expenses related to the children, and the few other factors that go into the formula. These amounts are often subjective and open to argument, and an attorney can assist to ensure that the figures are determined in a way that is favorable to you. But always remember it’s the child’s right to receive monetary support from its parents. That’s one thing you can never change.

Child Custody in Maryland – the Legal and the Physical

Child custody can really be broken down into two parts. There’s physical custody and legal custody. Sometimes a parent is granted both, other times it’s mixed, and in rare cases one parent gets neither. It’s important to understand the distinctions between the two because very specific rights attach to both types of child custody.

First there’s physical custody. Physical custody is what everybody thinks of when they think of custody. It is the custody associated with having the child live with you.  Often one parent or the other has primary physical custody, sometimes called sole physical custody, and the other parent has visitation, sometimes called access.  In this situation, the child will live with the custodial parent full time, or nearly full time, and will have visitation with the other parent.

Second, there is legal custody.  Legal custody is less well-known than physical custody, but it is equally if not more important.  Legal custody is the authority to make important decisions affecting the child.  Common decisions that may require legal custody are the religion of the child, where the child goes to school, whether the child is allowed to travel abroad, whether the child obtains braces, whether the child plays high school football, etc.  Each of these decisions is important, parents may disagree on them, and legal custody is necessary to guarantee the right to make the decision.

In many cases there’s a mixture of custody and that’s called joint custody. Again, it’s applied to both the physical and legal custody. With joint physical custody, the child will live with both parents, shifting back and forth on a schedule, and each parent will consider that the child lives with him or her part of the time.  No visitation is necessary in the situation of joint physical custody because the child lives with both parents for a substantial part of the time. In cases of joint legal custody, the parties must consult with one another and reach a mutually agreeable decision on each important issue that arises.  Obviously, the ability to communicate and reach shared decisions is necessary for joint legal custody to work.

Some people argue that child custody decisions are weighted in favor of the mother. There are father’s rights groups all over the world working to change the perception that women are inherently better custodial parents. However, the gender of the parents is not included among the factors that the court considers when deciding on the best interests of the children in a case involving child custody.  Maryland law on child custody includes no preference for the mother or the father.

Substance Abuse by Your Ex: Is it time to modify child custody?

Without question, Hollywood celebrity and actor Charlie Sheen has gotten quite a lot of press over the years regarding his domestic situations. He has been married and divorced three times, he has children by at least three different women, and allegations of substance abuse and domestic violence have been a long-running backstory to his life. But something curious has happened the past few days with his most recent ex-wife, and that’s what we’re discussing today.

Brooke Mueller, Charlie’s ex-wife and mother to his 2-year old twin sons Bob and Max, was arrested over the weekend in Aspen, Colorado for felony drug possession and a misdemeanor charge of assault. (Some of you may remember just two years ago when Charlie was arrested at the same location for domestic violence against Brooke for which he received 3 months of probation.) Ms. Mueller has reportedly battled drug addictions for most of her adult life, and has been in and out of rehab all this year. So while the family law court in California awarded Brooke primary custody of the kids, and Charlie has a typical every other weekend type of custody arrangement, there are many observers today wondering if he would attempt to change those custody conditions now that Brooke has suffered another setback. The answer came today, and it’s no.

According to Radar online, a celebrity gossip website, Charlie thinks it’s in his children’s best interest to leave the custody arrangements as is. They quote a source close to Charlie saying:

“Charlie knows that Brooke is battling a horrible disease, but that she is inherently a good person, and great mother. Charlie won’t be going to court anytime soon to seek custody of the boys, or to make any changes in custodial time. Charlie is much more interested in helping Brooke, and knows that hauling her into court right now would not benefit anyone in the long run.”

It’s no secret that Brooke’s parents relocated to Los Angeles from Florida in order to assist with the kids, and that they are primary caregivers to the two young boys. It seems that Charlie believes that arrangement is in the best interest of his kids and doesn’t want to upset their lives any more than has already happened with this incident and the numerous others prior to now. While he is well within his rights to ask the court for a custody modification, his view of the question every family law judge asks – what’s in the best interests of his children? – is to maintain the status quo.

We want to know if you think he’s making the right decision. Is Charlie correct in believing that no one is well served by taking this back to court, or should he fight for full custody while his ex-wife handles her drug problems?

Follow-Up on Child Obesity and Custody

Just about three weeks ago, we wrote an article for this blog about an increasingly common argument used in child custody battles and that’s child obesity. Obesity in America is a well-known problem and health risk, and few argue with that statement. (I maintain a separate blog on the topic of nutrition called The National Fork on which I recently included a post titled Government Over-Emphasizes Exercise about the government’s failed efforts to reduce obesity.) But, does having a “fat kid” now equal neglect by the custodial parent? One family in Ohio found out the hard way that the answer is yes when the County’s child welfare agency got involved.

The child at issue is an 8-year old boy who reportedly weighs 200 pounds. Government guidelines say most boys his age should weigh about 60 pounds. The Cuyahoga County caseworkers said they worked with the mother and child for over a year without seeing any weight loss by the boy and thus felt justified in removing him from his home and placing him in foster care. They said that the child’s weight gain was caused by his environment and that the mother wasn’t following doctor’s orders. They concluded that this was a case of “medical neglect” by the mother and it was in the “best interests of the child” to remove him from the home.

There are not many cases on the books like this one. It’s true that children are removed from their homes for physical abuse, neglect or undernourishment.  But is this case equal to those forms of child abuse and neglect? An article in the Journal of the American Medical Association in July titled Life-Threatening Childhood Obesity and Legal Intervention sparked many thoughtful comments and in response the authors of the article said:

”Our aim was not to propose new law but rather to consider how existing legal framework may apply to cases of life-threatening childhood obesity.”

The caseworkers in Ohio did just that with this family. They used existing law and guidelines to make the case for removal of the child and the Juvenile Courts agreed. “I think we would concede that some intervention is appropriate,” Juvenile Public Defender Sam Amata said. “But what risk became imminent? When did it become an immediate problem?” That’s the question for the appeal that’s scheduled to be heard in the next few weeks. As the child’s mother said:

“They are trying to make it seem like I am unfit, like I don’t love my child. Of course I love him. Of course I want him to lose weight. It’s a lifestyle change, and they are trying to make it seem like I am not embracing that. It is very hard, but I am trying.”

We will follow-up with this story as it develops. We do hope to see the family reunited before the holidays, but this case really isn’t about love for a child. It’s about what’s in the best of the child. Maybe all parents should think about that before they buy junk food and bake cookies and cakes?

Obesity and Child Custody

We have all watched First Lady Michelle Obama plant vegetables in the White House Garden, visit news and talk shows to promote better nutrition for our Nation’s children, and now wait for her soon to be published healthy-eating cookbook, American Grown: How the White House Kitchen Garden Inspires Families, Schools, and Communities. So we were hardly surprised when we noticed a reoccurring new argument in child custody battles; child obesity.

There have always been chubby kids. In fact, some would say that kids don’t lose all their baby fat until they hit puberty. But now we have an epidemic of fat kids. According to a Center for Disease Control report, there are more than 12 million obese kids in the US, and that they will likely have a shorter lifespan than their parents.

This alarming fact is now being used as a weapon in family law courts around the country by parents locked in contentious custody battles.

Douglas Gardner, a family-law practitioner in Tempe, Arizona told Fox News, “Typically, one parent is accusing the other of putting a child at risk of developing diabetes or heart disease—or saying that the child is miserable because he’s getting made fun of at school.”

ABC News reported last summer that Harvard University child obesity expert Dr. David Ludwig sparked outrage among families and professionals across the country when he wrote that some parents should lose custody of their severely obese children.

“In severe instances of childhood obesity, removal from the home may be justifiable, from a legal standpoint, because of imminent health risks and the parents’ chronic failure to address medical problems.”

Similar health risk arguments used to be made about smoking. However, the anti-smoking lobby has successfully reduced the number of active smokers by promoting tough laws and on-going education campaigns. The same is not yet true of the anti-obesity movement. Yes, the Nation is making progress – sometimes with regulations such as no soda for sale in schools, and sometimes by using economic pressure such as Southwest Airlines 2-ticket policy for overweight passengers who may encroach on a neighboring seat space.

If the analysis of child custody is to be focused on the child’s best interest, then it’s expected that these arguments will influence the child custody agreements. Child obesity is a serious health matter and perhaps it’s one the courts should look at when making custody determinations.

Adult Sleepovers and Child Custody

I often get asked by a client seeking a divorce whether it’s ok to have a new date-mate sleepover on a night when the kids are in the house. Clearly, I cannot tell two consenting adults what to do or how to spend their time. But, I usually advise that it’s better to not introduce a new boyfriend/girlfriend to children that are already dealing with their parents’ divorce and new living arrangements, and here’s why:

1. During your visitation time with the kids you should spend that time focused on them because it may be a few days (weeks) until you see them next
2. It can be confusing to children to see mommy/daddy being affectionate with a new partner. Give them time to adjust
3. Always ask yourself the same question that family law judges ask: Is it in the best interest of my child(ren) that I do …..?
4. Don’t create additional conflict with your ex because it isn’t worth it to stir the pot merely to have a date sleepover

Of course, you don’t need to believe what I’m writing today, but you should if you are in the midst of or considering divorce and you have children. You won’t necessarily have your child custody agreement challenged because you have your date-mate sleepover, but it does give fuel to the opposing party to file motions and request hearings. A flurry of motions is always an expensive endeavor for both parties. Primarily, I want you to always remember what’s in the best interest of your kids.

Who Killed the Marriage?

If you are in the midst of a divorce, contemplating divorce, or have already survived one, this is a question that you may have spent hours discussing with your friends, therapist, divorce attorney, and family. Likely, the culprit or offender is the “ex”. How could it not be? If it wasn’t for XXX or YYY that he/she did, said, failed to do, your marriage would still be intact, right?

Well, not necessarily. Some marriages end because one party has been unfaithful, or totally detached and uninvolved, or is no longer interested in intimacy. Some marriages end because of financial strains, illnesses, or some catastrophic event. Some marriages end because they’ve run their course; the parties have just reached the end of their interest in one another and the union itself. It’s the very rare case where there’s one absolute, undeniable, isolated thing that caused the parties to split up. Even if you can point to a specific event – like an extra-marital affair – nothing is ever that tidy. More likely than not, there was something else and probably several “something elses” going on.

So what do you tell people who ask, “What happened with you two? Why did you divorce?” The first thing to remember before you answer either question is who’s asking and who are you talking to? If it’s your best friend who asks, please feel free to tell her/him anything you wish! If it’s your boss asking, be circumspect when you answer. Your employer doesn’t need to know the nitty gritty of what went on in your marriage. Perhaps the people you must take the most care with when answering the questions are your children. They are the most vulnerable and least likely to understand the myriad of emotions swirling in your heart and mind when you formulate your answers.

Don’t forget that your kids have an image of their family that is different from both your perception and also the truth. Kids want to believe their parents are happy together and will be forever. It’s very hard for most kids to understand why their parents would want to live apart and break up the happy family. Even when your kids are 19, 25, even 40 years old, the idea of splitting time between two homes during the holidays, having to worry about seating of step-parents at a wedding, and how to capture a family portrait after the arrival of the much anticipated grandchildren is all very difficult. Divorce is hard on every kid, and parents need to remember that if you slip and say something awful about your ex, your kid’s parent, you risk starting parental alienation. And, it may backfire on you if you think telling the truth, warts and all, is a good idea because your child may decide to try to “save” your ex and become estranged from you.

You should tell your children the truth about why you and your ex split and divorced, but be careful about what you say and how you say it. Kids are the most vulnerable parties in a divorce, and you need to treat them like fragile glass when explaining what happened. They don’t need to know your version of the truth or your ex’s version either. They don’t need to hear who killed the marriage. They need to know they are well loved by both parents regardless of marital status or living arrangements.

Custodial Challenged Mothers

The issue of child custody is often the most hotly-contested one in divorce cases. Not only because children are important, and perhaps the most important result from any marriage, but also because having custody of the kids equals more money from the non-custodial parent. We hate to point out the financial part of custody but we must be realists. Child custody and child support are linked together in the family law system.

Both anecdotal and empirical evidence show that women more often than men are awarded primary custody of children by the courts. Throughout history, the role of child caretaker has always been deemed “women’s work”, and that hasn’t changed over the past few thousand years. However, one author suggests that the reason more men don’t have primary custody of their children is because they don’t ask for it, or fight for it, and when they do, they are awarded it by the courts 70% of the time.

“Mothers on Trial – the Battle for Children and Custody” by Phyllis Chesler is the book that makes this claim. Originally published in 1986, this work has been updated for the 21^st Century on its 25^th anniversary. It is an historical overview of divorce and custody. Ms. Chesler writes extensively about the characteristics of women who are challenged for custody and the deep-pocketed, scorch-the-earth tactics of the men who pose the challenges. She questions why society is quick to glorify the custodial fathers and condemn the non-custodial mothers. She discusses the traumas that many custodial mothers endure when faced with single-parenthood and dwindling resources, and the resulting effects that come off as shrill histrionics that end-up alienating judges, custody evaluators and even their own attorneys. And finally, Ms. Chesler tells the stories of so many women who have lost custody of their kids to ex-husbands who never really showed any great interest in parenting during the course of married life but who fought bitter and lengthy battles to win custody upon divorce. It’s an interesting read on the subject of parental alienation that has played a huge part in the Men’s Rights movement.

If you are currently embroiled in a child custody fight, or you are thinking about divorce but are uncertain about the child custody and support issues, you need to consult a family law attorney to discuss your options. While it is true that courts are often willing to award primary physical and legal custody of children to the mother, it’s also true that the courts want to focus on what’s best for the children. You need to select an advocate who understands the child custody evaluation process to help you through it, and who isn’t shy to work with other professionals to ensure your children come first when you’re dissolving the union from which they came.

Low-Conflict Marriages and Divorce – Hurts the Kids?

If the title of this post isn’t a great example of an oxymoron – I’m not sure what would be a
better one? It seems that most divorces result from a tremendous amount of conflict in a
marriage – maybe even a ginormous amount of conflict. Yelling, cheating, screaming, insults,
accusations, door-slamming – these are the things we hear about when most
couples finally get to their respective divorce attorneys and none of them could
be classified as ‘low-conflict’ situations or marriages.

Yet, there is such a thing as a low-conflict divorce that can result from
a low-conflict marriage. When the two parties decide that they would
prefer to live separately and proceed to amicably and equally divide both their
assets and their time with the children. When there’s enough money to have two
homesteads equidistance to the kids’ schools. When there’s the possibility to
still take family vacations even with new spouses and step-siblings in tow. All
of these things are possible and follow the low-conflict marriage and divorce
path, but while they are possible they are not probable.

While it’s nice to dream about majority of divorces being low-conflict
and resulting from low-conflict marriages, the reality is that conflict is
part and parcel of divorce. In fact, one could ask how there could
be a divorce without conflict? A follow-up question is how a marriage could
survive if it’s high-conflict? Since we have all seen examples of both, clearly
the answers are yes. But how does the amount of conflict in a marriage and
divorce affect the kids?

Numerous studies (and this one in particular) have concluded that kids of low-conflict
marriages and divorce are WORSE off psychologically with higher incidences of
depression and anxiety than those who’ve escaped high-conflict environments.
Psychologists explain this phenomenon by saying the low-conflict children “feel
like the rug has been pulled out from under them.” It’s shocking to them because
they didn’t see or hear their parents fighting, arguing, and yelling at each
other. The children may feel that the divorce is a personal tragedy so there’s
no sense of “relief” when their highly dysfunctional parents do separate and
subsequently divorce.

So the question now is what do you do about your low-conflict
marriage if you seek to divorce? You cannot start fighting with your spouse in
front of your children in order to artificially create conflict to
counterbalance the long-term effects of the low-conflict divorce on your kids.
Have you explained to your kids the basic problems of the marriage? Have you
sought family counseling so the kids learn about the marital troubles in a safe
environment? How have you worked with your ex-spouse to soften the psychological
blow of divorce for your kids? It’s important to share this information because
the kids matter.

What is the legal standard for custody?

So now that we know from our prior post the difference between physical custody
and legal custody, let’s talk about how one goes about obtaining custody.

In order to convince the court that it should grant you legal or
phyisical custody, you must show evidence that such custody arrangement is “in
the child’s best interests”.  That is, you must show the court that the child
custody arrangment that you are proposing is better for the child than the
custody arrangement that the opposing party is proposing.  Common factors that
the court will consider in making this decision are the relative fitness of the
parents, the resources of the parents to care for the child, the past history of
caring for the child, location of the proposed residence and access to schools
and hospitals, etc.  These are only a few of the factors, but they provide an
idea of the things that the court will likely consider.

Also, notice that the standard for child custody is the “CHILD’S BEST INTERESTS”.
The standard is not, “PARENT’S BEST INTERESTS”.  The courts can be rather cold when it
comes to considering the rights of parents in the world of custody.  Under the law, when
deciding custody, the court may only consider the child’s best interests and
cannot consider what the parents want or whether one parent or the other
deserves to have custody.  As an extreme example, if both parents
desperately want custody of a child but are clearly unfit as parents, the court
may very well disregard the parent’s wishes and take the child away from both of
them, instead placing the child in the care of the state or a foster
parent.

Finally, on the issue of legal custody, there is one more hurdle
to jump over.  If you are proposing joint legal custody, in addition to showing
evidence that joint legal custody is in the child’s best interests, you must
show evidence that you and the other parent are able to communicate with each
other and reach common decisions regarding important issues facing the child.