Fear Without Hard Evidence in Massachusetts Protective Order Law

In the Commonwealth of Massachusetts there is a 20-year old domestic violence law on the books that’s referred to as the 209A restraining order. There are a number of different labels for a domestic violence restraining order – in Maryland it’s called a protective or peace order – but the results are the same. In the simplest terms: one party must stay away from the other with varying conditions. Domestic violence is a very serious and real problem, but a fathers’ rights group in Massachusetts thinks the 209A needs to be repealed and then rewritten.

The standard of proof under the 209A law is preponderance of the evidence, which means the trier of fact (the judge) must believe the accusation is more likely to be true than not. Therefore, a woman can claim they are in fear of a boyfriend or husband, and the children will automatically be placed in the custody of the accusing party even if no crime has been committed and no hard evidence of threats or violence exist. The Massachusetts Fatherhood Coalition claims “this [law] makes criminals out of men who have not broken any laws”, said Chairman Joe Ureneck, “often with only the word of an angry wife or girlfriend who has an ax to grind.”

Coalition member Doug George says he has been arrested multiple times for false allegations. “I have spent countless thousands in lawyers’ bills, and I have spent so much time in jail, time I will never get back, even though I was found not guilty.” In one case he claims, “I was arrested for violating a restraining order one day because I was in traffic when my ex pulled up next to me. She went to the police saying I had violated the order and they said I was technically in violation so I spent 18 days in jail.”

While we certainly understand the concerns of the Fatherhood Coalition, domestic violence remains a very serious matter and there need to be tough laws in place to protect families. According to the Maryland State Police, in 2009 over 18,000 Marylanders reported domestic violence incidents. But, the standard of proof in Maryland to obtain a final protective order is “clear and convincing evidence.” It’s a higher standard than 209A. It requires the judge to believe that it is substantially more likely than not that the allegations of domestic violence are true.  Situations described by Mr. George in Massachusetts would likely not occur under the laws of Maryland.

So what do you readers think? Does the Massachusetts 209A law need to be rewritten? Or is it far better to err on the side of caution when the issue is domestic violence?

Avoid Holiday Drama and Depression After Divorce

At this time of year it seems that we all should take a moment to think about the many things in our lives we have to be thankful for. Sometimes in a family law firm we meet people who claim they have nothing at all to be thankful for. While they may believe that to be true when they say it, the real truth is that we all have at least one thing we can put on our thankful list. How about the fact that we woke up today? That should be worthy of the list, don’t you think? Even if you don’t agree, there are certainly some things we can do this holiday season to avoid drama and depression.

1. Celebrate with your family – whether it’s an early celebration because your kids will be with your ex on the holiday or a later one for the same reason, pick a day to celebrate the holiday and invite all your loved ones. If you really think about it, who doesn’t want to have yet another fun celebration? The kids will love it!
2. Schedule your talking time – you and your ex must reach an agreement about your scheduled times to talk with the kids. Put it in writing so that you both have a copy you can tape to the refrigerator. If you haven’t already learned how to Skype, try to set that up so that you and the kids can see each other while you chat. Keep it light and happy because it is the holidays even though you may be physically apart.
3. Take a trip – if the kids will be with your ex, or if this is the first holiday you’ll be alone after a divorce, then it’s time to hit the road. Go and visit a family member or friend. Take a cruise with your BFF. Even plan some day trips not too far from home and bring a book with you to read while you have lunch in a café along the way. Find a way to travel on your budget and banish those holiday blues!
4. Get out of the house – this doesn’t mean a trip but it does mean get off the couch! It’s too easy to hole-up at home feeling sorry for yourself when the kids are with your ex over the holiday. Don’t fall into the woes-is-me trap! Go see a movie, go out to dinner with friends, go to a bookstore (if you can still find one!) and buy a bestselling thriller. Do anything, but do something because staying home watching It’s a Wonderful Life on cable will bring you down to the holiday dumps!

Now we could add a number 5 to the list but instead we’ll use this tip as our conclusion. If you’re feeling sad or lonely over the holidays always remind yourself that it’s just a few days and then you’ll be back to your normal routine. Holidays only do last a short time and before you know it they will be over, the kids will be home, and you’ll be back to business. Sure, you will have moments of sadness but those too will pass. Keep yourself busy and occupied, and more importantly live your life – that’s the best way to avoid drama and depression during the holidays!

Veterans Day 2011